Conflicted

My war cry? GREEN IS CLEAN!

My breakfast? Golden Graham (my mom bought them, not me!)

I tell myself I'm a runner.

Last time I ran  . . . hmmmmm. . . after my kid in a parking lot.

I don't think ANYONE should eat ANYTHING overly processed like white flour and granulated sugar.

I find my homemade bread is sooooo much fluffier with a 2 to 3 ratio of white to whole wheat flour.

Welcome to my shame! I believe in clean eating, in fueling this body that God made with foods that God made. I'm haunted by James 4:17 "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." Yipes!

When my Grandma died, I went to Seattle to be with my mom as she and her siblings cleaned up their Mother's house. They found plenty of barley and oats in the pantry, Senca and tea instead of coffee, recycled jars, a well used jucier, a well kept garden with a healthy compost pile, and a spotless home. Her checkbook entries read like an organic charity, every dollar either going to Marlene's (an organic farmstand) or her church. The people that lined the pews at the memorial service were people my Grandma served and dressed through her second-hand clothing ministry and other areas of outreach. Yes there were trace amounts of sugar in her kitchen and a few weeds in her garden. Still, a look at her life reflected a true dedication to her beliefs. I so admire that.

I admire my Grandmother and I try to live a healthy life full of good foods that God has provided and service to others, just like she did. However, I find I feel a bit like the apostle Paul when he whines confesses, "For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep doing." I'm feelin' ya Paul!

It is so easy to say you believe in something, and truly believe it! It is so much harder to get my life to match. And yet "actions speak louder than words," right? Here are some snap shot of my life and what they say about me . . . . hmmmmmmm . . . .

I love organic gardening and I have a serious greenthumb.

Yep, this is also my yard. Maybe my thumbs aren't as green as "believe." Truth is, my sprinkler hits my tomatoes and strawberries . . . that's it. In the battle of beauty versus food, food wins. Hence, dry yard, luscious garden.

If my zucchinis aren't cutting it with my homemade compost, I'm not above using contrived chemical fertilizer. Afterall, I am growing vegetables. How bad can it be? Still, I don't feel good about it. That counts for something right? Seriously, did I say earlier that I have green thumbs? Maybe it's just my big toe that's green from the gym locker room.

I love getting a good workout with the family. But I also love letting my husband tote the kids.

It's important to me to keep a clean house and teach my kids how to put things away. Still, in my attempts to foster my childrens' creativity, I've chosen to surrender this corner. Again, does my guilt count for something?

I know I said I care about having and keeping a clean home, that is until it comes to folding clothes and matching socks.

I love people, but I seem to like getting away from them even more.

I hate refined sugars and dirty kids. Still, sometimes family fun, via marshmallow roasting, trumps sugar and grime prevention.

I love fish. My pictures and freezer pretty much agree on that one. However, now I'm thinking dirt doesn't bother me at much as I tend to "believe" it does.

I am passionate about feeding my kids vegetables, even if they do come with a good helping of butter.

I like letting my kids dress themselves . . . as long as they don't go farther than the driveway.

My alarm clock would suggest I'm an early riser even though I sleep in 'til 9:00 on the weekends. My Bible notes show it's been read. My neglected house denote a life not wasted on cleaning. And my happy kids and wonderful marriage means I'm doing something right . . . right? Or maybe I'm just blessed. Yeah, that's probably it. 

Still, is it possible to believe in clean living and still have fudge covered graham crackers in my cupboard (again, my mom bought them, not me) and chemical fertilizer in my garden (can I blame this one on my husband?)? Afterall, Jesus turned clean water into wine, my grandma loved a large cookie, and coffee helps me get my Bible reading in.

What does your life say about what you believe? Seriously, I love hearing from you!