Monday, January 23, 2012

Boy Chef's Sweet Taters

Fellow Blogger: You've heard when selling a home, one should take all family photos off the walls. The potential buyer should be able to visualize his/her own family in the house, not the seller's.

I strongly believes blogs are much the same. Just like movie images ruin novels and family photos repel sold signs, personal photos on blogs seem to drive my mouse to top-corner red "x". The better the writing, the more I don't want to see you. I think it's cause I want to be you. Pictures of your slobbery toddler or cat destroy my illusions.

I have a when you post the special picture you don't really see the photo for what it is -

a bad photo.

I get it. You love the subject. Love crowds out subjective appraisal. However, I don't know your cat or your kid and I wish you hadn't ruin the blog post for me by putting a pasty face on my computer screen.

You don't have to tell me that these comments are cold and unfeeling. I know that. I have no feelings . . . save that which are kiddled my own kind.

With that said, you might interpret the following post to be completely self indulgent, smattered with personal photos of my own beautiful child.

You are wrong.

My child is an exception of course. How could he not be? Have you looked at this picture?

I am able to see through my feelings clearly to the bones of the subject. And my sweetheart, I mean the subject, is breathtaking, rule-breaking, universally appealing.

Now that we agree, I must say . . .

It is important to get kids connected with the food they eat. Whether they shop for it, grow it, cook it, whatever, people should know what nutrition is about. Children are people on learning steriods, like fresh yellow sponges soaking up new ideas. By the time my children leave this home, my goal is to have saturated them with real food experiences rather than  cleverly manipulated chemicals passed to me through a car window or purchased in box made to look and taste like something edible.

Every child should cook. If your child is a western outlaw, he should be cooking something like this. 

Just don't show me the picture and expect me to be impressed. Have you seen my son?

Scrub and stab some sweet potatoes. I (Bjorn) find the roundest, most symetrical ones I can for even bakin'. Figure about 1 for every two people. Stab 'em to death like they just robbed the bank and yer gonna show 'em what fer.

Switch genre's real quick and wrap the tormented taters up like spaceships in foil, placin' on a foil lined pan. These are the kind of dishes any dude can do. Slide the pan into the oven at 400 F for at least an hour or longer. They're kinda hard to over cook.

Take a quick break with your pony.

Have your kitchen hand line a bakin' sheet with foil and place metal cooling racks on the sheets.


Line up the meat. Bjorn figures 2 strips per person, always trackin' down the thick cut, nitrate/nitrite free variety. This cow poke likes his pig pure.

Slip bacon into the oven for the last 30 - 40 minutes of cooking time. You may need to reduce the oven heat to 350 F if your fire alarm starts screamin'. Have your kitchen-hand tend the oven, flippin' the bacon at about 15 - 20 minutes. Your job is to fight off mutant ninjas out to theive themselves some grub.

If you loose interest at this point, let your cook know to fry up some eggs after the bacon is done just the way you like it.

Split the orange tater, top with a fried egg, throw some bacon on the plate, sprinkle on some course salt - my kitchen-hand calls it Kosher - and dig in before the ninjas come back.

Equally good with coffee or beer . . . so I hear.


  1. Too cute! Love our litle Bjorn! Recipe even sounds good!
    Love, Julene

  2. Love you too Julene. And I love the way Bjorn says your name . . . with a sweet pucker he loves you so much!

  3. Your little boy is so adorable. And, oh, the food also looks delicious! :)

  4. Haha, great post. The taters do look delicious, and I certainly agree. My dad had me in the kitchen since I was old enough to stand, and I learned everything I know about cooking from him (well, before starting to travel). It's such an important thing to pass on!

  5. Haha this is too funny! I love the post, and your sweetheart is really a sweetheart. Looks like he has a lot of personality!

  6. Thanks Kiri! It's amazing how our parents plant the food bug when we are small in the kitchen so when we do travel and eat around we have a basic understanding. I have a feeling many food people have these similar beginings.

  7. Ravie, I appreciate you finding the humor! This is one of my snarkiest posts yet! A bit Larry David . . . insulting other people's children. I was a bit nervous about it. Thanks for the laughs and reassurance!

  8. Oh! It's a joke? I was about to leave a remark something akin to "Are you kidding?" and leave offended, never to return. So, you were kidding, right?

  9. Brendilly! I am so flattered! Is my child so breath-taking that my satire was lost on you? Why thank you for being offended! I take that as the sincerest compliment! (fyi - I'm joking:-)